Recently, I have had the opportunity of starting a Bible overview. In 61 days the overview will hit different portions of scripture and today was Job. I have read through Job before, but this time was different. After losing my father almost four years ago, I have found much comfort in the story of Job. This time around, in thinking about Job’s friends, I simply have to laugh.
Around the time of my father’s death, everyone—I know they were good intentioned people—gave their own terrible and otherwise baffling advice to how my family should react to cancer and death. If that wasn’t bad enough, most people stretched to find some semblance of common ground, which sounded like this. “I’m sorry to hear about your dad; you know I had a dog that died a while back and it was pretty hard.” Yes—pick your jaw up—that was actually said. From this experience comes my advice, through the eyes of the story Job.
When Job was mourning his friends heard about Job’s sufferings and came to him. When they came upon Job “they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great” (v. 13, emphasis mine). Most of the time believers think of Job’s friends as giving the worst advice! Taking a step back, it really wasn’t all bad (though, don’t forget, most of it was). However, the first action his friends was the correct action. They didn’t say anything! Before they gave advice they sat with him for seven days without saying a word; it wasn’t until Job spoke did they give their own advice. From this I give you a few points of advice for friends of mourners:
1. Don’t speak. Seriously, your magical, awe-inspiring words (sarcasm of course) will not make the situation better. Most of the time you will be putting your foot in your mouth, and do you really want to have your comment be blogged about later?
2. Be wise about speaking. Remember Job’s friends, don’t be the first to speak (Also see James 1:19). If you do choose to speak, many words are not needed and the best topic is pointing the person to the gospel of Jesus Christ and the comfort found in the only True Comforter, God!
3. When in doubt, say nothing. It is better for you to be with the mourner without saying anything, than for the mourner to be given horrific advice or for them to be talked to death by a well-intentioned friend.
Whether we like it or not, one day we will all need to comfort a mourning friend. May we be God-centered in our advice and comfort; furthermore, the most God-centered action for you to take might be to close your lips.
– Jeremy Dillon
